I did fall in love with New York many years ago (when I was not in New York); however, familiarity also breeds contempt. Therefore, here is my see-saw of opposing thoughts in living in what is supposedly the best-est city in the world, but the bane for most.
I love you, New York, because you keep me open-minded and respectful of diversity. I come from a place where people do the same things, go to the same places and talk/dress the same way. You shocked me, New York. Because of you, I met people from all corners of the world, the kind who do not care if I dress this way, or if they dress that way. People who create their own rules and schedules – breakfast at night, and dinner in the morning. People who fight the corporate battle by day, but belly-dance at night. I can be anything in this city, and nobody would give a damn.
I love you New York, but I really hate being 24 hours away from home. There are no direct flights and it’s expensive to fly. Because of you, I became the needy daughter/sister who wants to hear from her family more often. I also became the “friend who left” and as much as I try hard to keep these friendships alive, sometimes people just drift apart. Lastly, when the time comes that David and I have beautiful children, it is harder for them to learn about where I grew up and spend time with their cousins and grand parents. I want them to learn what “po” and “opo” means, and enjoy adobo and sinigang the way I did (and still do) when I was young.
I love you New York because I can get anything and do anything I want without needing to travel over 1 hour. Need a bottle of salsa? Deli's around the corner. Want to hit the beach? Head to Long Island beach. Feel like having Ethiopian for lunch? Head over to Meskerem at the West Village. Want to go skiing? Vermont is just around the corner. Want to see Gossip Girl live action shoots? Walk around UES. Want to learn how to knit, cook, pair wine, golf, dive, model, dance, read palms, make sushi and make money? There are real classes for that.
I love you New York, but I hate how you skew my mind on what your definition of normal is vs. the rest of the world. What do you mean I cannot live comfortably in New York City with an annual income of $500,000? Is this your definition of “middle class?” That’s PHP 24,000,000 (!) or bajillions (to the infinity) in Zimbabwean dollars – more than enough to sustain hundreds of poor communities. With that kind of money, I would be on the top .1% of the Philippines and sending my children to the best schools, owning multiple properties and have 2 dozen house helpers and an in-house pedicurist. And who do you think is that idiot who would buy that $1,000 pizza, dessert or omelette?
Despite this, I still love you New York for contradicting yourself everyday. Many of the richest people in the world live here, but many of the poorest strive to make ends meet with what is left of their $1 daily budget. I can be drinking $18 cocktails uptown, then buy deliciously satisfying $1 falafels downtown. (Which means, I can live in New York with less than a half a million annual salary!)
I hate your dirty, crowded and unpredictable transportation system, New York. Sometimes it takes me 10 minutes to get to my destination – door to door. But other times, it takes me 2 hours! I feel like I’m in a can of sardines every time I take the subway during rush hour. And your giant pet rats on the subway tracks? G to the r-o-s-s.
However, I do appreciate the gifted artists who perform on the subway platform while I wait for these unreliable trains, and how I can go as far as 27.5 miles from the Bronx all the way down to Coney Island for just $2.
I love how you taught me to be more “green” and to downsize, New York. With a 600 sq. ft. apartment, there is no space for random crap that I do not need. I buy just enough food that would fit my pantry, just enough clothes and just enough anything. I am an expert in space management now. Thank you for making it hard for me to own a car, because if I do, I will miss out on the great exercise I get walking around the city and I will be adding more expenses to your already expensive cost of living.
I hate that you scare me from becoming a parent, and in turn, you make me look selfish in front of dutiful suburban parents. I hope they still think well of me for not wanting to be unfair to my unborn child. I mean, we want him/her to live a comfortable life (baby room and all) – it may take some time before that happens when you live/work in New York.
I keep discovering that New York is not built for raising "average" families or parents – but it is built to cultivate Super Moms and Super Dads. Private school: $30,000 per year, per student. In-house nannies: $25-$30/hour + you will need an extra bedroom to house her (which is an extra $1,500 in rent, or $300,000 to own). And it’s not just the cost – the subway, the best restaurants –even your single friends - are unforgiving to babies and strollers.
It may be tough to raise kids here, but it is not impossible and it has its rewards. You, New York, are a great cultural haven for kids (think MoMA, The Met, Central Park, etc) and a great exposure on the concept of diversity for them. I want them to understand and embrace the realities of the differences in religion, sexual orientation, race and societal class.
I hate that because of you, the old friendships that I held so dear has changed in a way I did not expect or want. Not intentionally, but by happenstance. People get busy, they change and grow up. End of story. I do miss them sometimes.
Despite this, I’ve made even more friends now compared to back when I was in Manila. Friends who are genuine and who are like family to me. And oh I love the diversity – in thoughts, views, backgrounds, languages and passions!
I hate that you have taken away the privilege of having household help who would do my laundry and cook for me. These chores add to my already busy schedule.
But I love that because of this, you have made me even more self-sufficient. I have mastered doing laundry as part of my routine, do all my groceries by myself, clean house almost every week and cook very good meals (even our cook back in Manila can't do, thank you very much!) I can do all these, have an active social life, take care of a marriage and a career and not feel too overwhelmed or become senorita. Because of you, I have also learned that you are never truly independent, until you have left your parents house and go off on your own.
Most of all, I love that you have made me fearless. Fearless in taking all kinds of risks, breaking away from the mold that I was in Manila, away from the stereotype that I am to former peers, and in managing beliefs from my family, my peers, my friends and most especially myself.
I can go on and on about how I love and hate you, New York (the weather, the people, the attitude, the convenience and inconveniences, etc.) But I will stop here.
Either way, I am learning more about myself - good and bad - each day I wake up to you. It surprises me all the time. And each time, I am thankful that I am here living my life the way I had imagined it the first day I step foot here. But, you're not off the hook, New York. I still have not forgotten the reasons why I hate you - and sometimes I ask myself, why am I still here?
The view from our apartment
