Might is not a bad word, speak moderately

I just watched “Sideways” (stars Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church) – and it was pretty good. It’s about two friends who set off to wine valleys in California, imbibing as much Pinot along the way, stumbling upon depression, reflection and desire, ending up in comedic misadventures and eventually right where they began.

I am not a movie critic, and I don’t do movie reviews on Entertainment Weekly, but all I can say is that it’s “pretty good”. Not “super good” because I am partial to movies with a kick of romance. This one’s love story was pretty dry and banal.

I actually watched with my two pretty friends from Manila, who are now sharing the New York experience with me. We did the quintessential “Girls’-FRIDAY-Night-Out” – just a night out of movie and chin-wagging about boyfriends (i.e. men-who-make-us-go-aww), LDR’s and work over dinner.

So the scenario looked like this: Jam-packed UES Casual Italian dining restaurant, back-end table, Penne ala Vodka, Make-your-own pizza, crisp Italian salad and hungry stomachs. Seated were 3 ladies: A US Resident who left home to acquire US citizenship, an Expatriate who didn’t miss out on a good opportunity, and a Grad Student with big hopes and dreams – all infused with spirit, all heart, all Pinay.

We all have different reasons why we are here. And as routine as it seems, we were asking the age-old FOB Pinoy-in-the-US question to each other, even with our mouths full,

“So, anong balak mo? Babalik ka pa ba or dito ka na?” (in pure Tagalog)

And this was how it went:

US Resident: Yeah! If need be, I wouldn’t sacrifice my loved ones over my citizenship!

Expatriate: (Adamantly) Of course, there’s no place like home!

Grad student: (batting an eyelash) I might stay. Depending on how things go…

Guess who sounded like a puberty-stricken-young-adolescent-who-couldn’t-decide-for- herself-while-being-eaten and-overpowered-by-peer-pressure? Yes, the one who said “might”. It was I.

I might?!? What the…?

When did I ever use might when faced with a question like that? I can use might – as in “Pam, so are you staying in the US for good?”, “A mighty yes!”, said I.

That is typically me.

But now that my New York honeymoon stage has worn off, I am including might into my vocabulary again? When did this grey area, in-between, somewhere-out-there, blah, impulsive indecision come about?

I need to see a Broadway show – fast.

How annoyingly apt that we watched a movie, telling of a story which brought the lead character to where he began. Not an omen. Not cool.

Hey, come to think of it, Might is not a bad word, and I shall justify. Might is the almost-doesn't-count of "no" or "yes", which means it is not valid as a clear agreement or disagreement to something. More so, it may have been said during a state of confusion and distraction to external objects (like Italian food), thus, said without the perfect rational mental state.

So there. And in my rational mental state, I would say the ff:

They say that home is where the heart is. And my home is in Manila. But my heart belongs to the world. And my world belongs to this man-that-makes-me-go-aww.

Aah, who cares if I say might once? As without a doubt, I will say aww twice, thrice, a thousand times.